For many years, people have used various metaphors to discuss the different levels of physical intimacy that people typically experience in a relationship. One of the most prominent metaphors in the United States is that of bases, which correspond to the bases used in baseball. The baseball metaphor is often used to describe different stages of physical touch, but there may be some confusion about different activities and where they fall within these stages.
It can be important to recognize that the baseball metaphor doesn’t necessarily take into account non-heterosexual couples, the variety of activities that couples engage in, or the order in which they engage in them. This article will discuss the physical bases in a relationship, problems with the baseball metaphor, and ways to improve communication and intimacy.
A note about the physical bases to represent sexual activity
While the baseball metaphor may serve as a shorthand to describe certain physical acts, different definitions of each base may be used by different people. In addition, this metaphor doesn’t usually take LGBTQIA+ individuals into account. Even for heterosexual couples, the baseball metaphor might not always make sense, as it may lead people to believe that sex always progresses in one direction and that it must end a certain way.
Finally, the metaphor doesn’t consider consent. It may lead some people to interpret sex as a game in which the insertive partner has to compete with the other person to achieve an end goal. This can lead to pressure on the other person to move forward with certain activities that might make them feel uncomfortable.
Finally, some people may wrongly assume that it is safe to proceed through each base because they have already made it to “home base” with a person. Consent can be given and revoked at any point, during any encounter, no matter how long a couple has been together.
First base in physical intimacy
In the traditional baseball scheme, first base is often considered kissing on the mouth. To some, this may involve any type of kiss on the mouth, but for others, it may entail open-mouth kissing or French kissing. The timing of this step in a relationship can vary depending on the individuals involved, and consent can be given and revoked at any point by either person.
Second base
Second base typically involves touching a person’s breast. To some people, this may mean touching under a person’s top or shirt. To others, it may mean touching above the waist with clothing removed. Couples can discuss this stage of intimacy and what makes them comfortable at each moment, with no pressure to move forward from either partner.
Third base
Third base typically refers to touching another person’s genitals. To some people, this may involve stimulation with the fingers. Others may include oral sex in this stage of physical intimacy.
Sexual intercourse
Sexual intercourse is typically what people refer to as making it to fourth base (a “home run”). While sex often culminates in intercourse for many people, this isn’t always the case. Some couples may go back and forth between bases, and they can reach climax together in any number of ways. Hence, the metaphor of intercourse being a home run often fails to represent the numerous ways that people express their sexuality and reach orgasm. There may also be times that sex doesn’t involve orgasm. People may engage in many types of physical and emotional intimacy without always reaching a climax.
Communication about sexual activity
Regardless of whether couples use the language of the sexual bases, they may find that their sexual intimacy grows with better communication. Couples who openly discuss what brings them satisfaction and the ways they like to give pleasure may find that they have better physical encounters. Conversations about sex may involve fantasies, sexual positions, settings for sexual activity, and the frequency with which each partner would like to connect sexually.
Talking to a professional about your level of intimacy
When it comes to intimacy, some couples may find it helpful to speak with a therapist about any concerns they’re experiencing. This may involve sex therapy or talk therapy with a licensed therapist. Therapy isn’t just for couples experiencing problems in their relationship. It can often help couples enhance their emotional intimacy, which may improve their sexual connection, and vice versa.
Online therapy to improve physical intimacy
Some couples might live in an area with few licensed therapists. Others might be hesitant to attend therapy in person. In these cases, online therapy can serve as a valuable option to receive evidence-based support. An online couples counselor through Regain can help couples address concerns related to physical and emotional intimacy, as well as any other challenges they’re experiencing. Couples can communicate with an online counselor via audio, video, or live chat at a time that works for everyone’s schedule.
For individuals whose partners aren’t amenable to couples therapy at this time, individual online therapy can still be of help. Dr. Mindconnect has a network of more than 30,000 licensed therapists, so individuals can be matched with a therapist who has experience helping individuals navigate matters related to physical intimacy and any other concerns they’re experiencing.
Takeaway
The dating bases have traditionally been used to describe various levels of physical intimacy. While this metaphor may serve a purpose for some couples, it may not reflect the diversity of sexual orientations that exist and the way that many people view sex today. Individuals who have questions about physical intimacy may benefit from speaking with a licensed therapist, either in person or online. An online therapist can help people navigate various stages of intimacy and move forward in a way that is comfortable for them.
